I’m fat and hungry and I smell like sh!t. And I also objectify women.
Uh oh. I might be patient zero, ‘cuz none of these things are new phenomenons.
Hey baby. I wanna dig for truffles...in your pants!
Let’s face it, when it comes to the brains of the operations regarding sports-related posts, you’re not going to see my name in the by-line. Think of me as the chubby kid waiting in line to be picked for the dodge ball team – I’ll be the last one picked and when the whistle blows, I’ll be the first one off the court, riding the pine, and likely doing so with an ice pack and a severely-damaged psyche.
Setting that character flaw aside for the moment, I’d like to delve into the arena; I only ask that you hold off beaning me with the ball until I’ve had a change to get this out. Then I’ll get my ice pack ready and , by all means, fire away!
I got an update this week about a friend we grew up with here in the great state of NoVa. Under normal circumstances, suffering through daily rides to school in my ol’ 1980 Ford Fairmont wagon would be enough to stifle the life ambitions of any red-blooded, American teenager, particularly after I rear ended that Driver’s Ed car. It seems, however, that the humiliation of a hand-me-down American land yacht, specifically one without functioning windshield wipers and a push-button AM radio, was not enough to stop Logan Garey.
A little background:
1) Yes, there is a professional cycling circuit. Remember that dude, Lance … think Sheryl Crow, bunch of wins at some race across the ‘Pond in that country with all the cheese, turned Vince Vaughn’s life around in a little presentation called “DodgeBall”.
2) Okay, they do wear spandex, a lot of spandex in fact, and they shave their legs. But, then again, so did David Lee Roth, pre- during- and post- Van Halen (and probably still today), and you thought Roth was the man, admit it.
3) I am no way familiar with the pro cycling circuit, apart from the fact that it involves bikes, a lot of spandex (see previous note), and crashes that aren’t quite as a spectacular as NASCAR, but probably hurt a lot more.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMAJf-hf1Zk]
4) Legal Disclaimer: I am in no way, implied or otherwise, attempting to take credit for Logan’s success. At least for now. I can’t comment on what my attitude may be after I attempt to verify Joe’s latest Beer 101 findings and then suddenly remember that I showed him everything he knows about competitive racing.
And now onto the meat and potatoes, or beer and cheese puffs if that’s your preference, of the story. Logan, the aforementioned local, is steadily climbing up the ranks of the aforementioned pro cycling circuit. Starting a few years back in the mountains of Spain, he’s now come back to the US, joined a team in Boulder, and is racing with the best of em’. Literally …. He’s racing against Lance Armstrong, albeit along with many other riders, in New Mexico this week at the Tour de Gila.
He’s a NoVa local, he’s a friend of the staff, regardless if none of us has seen and/or talked to him since we all thought David Lee Roth was the man, he’s a professional athlete and, so, I’d encourage you jump on the Team Rio Grande site, look him up on the “Elite” tab, and give him your support during the Tour de Gila and upcoming races.
Someday, someone is going to beat this Lance guy, with his stupid enlarged heart and unbelievable tolerance for pain, and I’d prefer to see it done by the guy from NoVa … you know, the one to whom I taught everything he knows about competitive cycling ( I agree, Joe, this Magic Hat #9 stuff is delectable….).
Legal Disclaimer #2: Logan’s not actually from NoVa, he just lived here for awhile, but our list of “NoVa locals we know who also happen to be professional athletes” is thin to say the least, so certain artistic liberties were necessary.
GiGB sent one of its senior editors on a fact finding mission to Amsterdam. The ‘Nova is looking to establish a European outpost. The problem is, Tiny’s been gone for a week and we haven’t heard from him.
Using our top secret government connections, we were able to reposition a satellite and do a little reconnaissance:
Amsterdam may not be the right fit for the 'Nova.
The search continues…
My new growler coozy is keepin' it real, cold.
Welcome back. It’s the sultan of suds here to disperse another week’s worth of beery brilliance. For example, did you know growlers are so named because of the “growly” sound they make when you pour the beer?
You can look forward to my reviews of SweetWater Tavern’s Yippie-Ei-O Springbock and Red Tape Ale growlers coming soon.
This week we have an increasingly more popular selection, Magic Hat #9 Not Quite Pale Ale and an old favorite, Dominion Lager.
A beer I’m seeing around more often and for good reason. Brewed by Magic Hat Brewing Company in Burlington, Vermont. Magic Hat has grown by leaps and bounds in recent years, and we’ll be spending more time with some of their other offerings in the week’s ahead.
This golden colored ale is dry and hoppy with a pleasant, lingering finish. This is definitely a beer drinkers beer which runs about $8 a sixer.
Special beer snob note: the carrier’s sidewalls cover the bottle, this prevents light from skunking your beer. Intentional or not, this is a nice touch because light is bad for beer. Should light reach your beer prior to consumption remember this, clear bottles offer no protection(”..were streakin’ the quad”), green is good (”I’m from Holland, isshn’t dat weird?”) and brown is better (”It’s the one that says bad mutha fuka”). Keep this in mind when bottling your home brew.
Another 5 belly beer. …what can I say? I know how to pick ‘em. (and I know how much you like to look at our super sexy Beer 101 model.)
A former personal fave and still a champion, this is the beer that started it all for me. Some Dominion products are still brewed locally in Ashburn, VA. Back in 2007, Dominion sold to Bud who later sold to Inbev, which is a whole other post altogether. (Quick preview - that sucks.)
Dominion Lager is still the beer to which I compare all others. It will run you about $8 a six-pack. Many local restaurants label and serve this on draught as their own lager, so you’ve probably already had one.
My surveying sample was bottled on 02/26/09…two months ago, nice. I like to know when my beer went in rather than when to drink it by. I once kept a beer in the glove compartment, you know, just in case I needed one. Me and my fellow GiGB editor drank that battery acid and we finished it (care to fess up too, Todd? I do believe that was your idea…) If it’s still wet, I’ll drink it but I do like to know what I’m getting myself in to.
Dominion Lager is crisp and refreshing with a slightly fruity finish but not too sweet, very satisfying and versatile when pairing with food. It is also versatile when paired with another 8 or 10 of his brothers. 5.4% alcohol by volume.
5 beer bellies even though it’s not as local anymore. It used to be a point of pride having such a good beer bottled right around the corner. Stinks.
Gotta get more… “33″, a Vietnamese beer I found at Pho Cyclo in Merrifield, VA at less than $4 a bottle. BTW the Pho was good too. 33 is another traditional lager (you should be picking up on the theme by now.) *BOLO for the official rating.
(*BOLO = be on the lookout. You won’t be told again.)
Happy drinking.
And we think most of you did.
Take a look at our FANTASTIC NFL Draft Analysis. It’s really good.
We’re still waiting for the news to come in saying the Redskins have traded Brian Orakpo - we don’t handle good fortune well.
New Redskins DE Brian Orakpo
Anyway, on the surface it seems like the ‘Skins winding up with Orakpo at pick 13 is an incredible stroke of luck. It is true most of the so-called “experts” had Orakpo slotted to be selected much higher. But the Redskins front office (completely unintentionally) pulled off a bit of public maneuvering which helped their cause in securing Orakpo.
Make no mistake, if the stars had aligned differently last month the ‘Skins would have given away an awful lot to land Jay Cutler. But since that didn’t work, the ‘Skins stayed in every QB discussion/rumor that was going around.
The most notable speculation centered around Mark “Dirty” Sanchez. Danny Boy’s man crush on Sanchez seemed to have lit a fire under a handful of other NFL teams targeting a QB in the Draft. It also seemed to piss Jason Campbell off to the point he said he would request a trade should the ‘Skins select a QB.
These headlines seems to have created enough buzz to spur a couple of teams into action.
The Browns have a lot of defensive needs, and Orakpo would have been a great fit for them. But the Jets called ‘em up and and offered them a deal the Browns couldn’t refuse - and the Jets wound up with Sanchez.
Who knows for sure if the Jets needed to get ahead of the Redskins in order to secure Sanchez? The Jets seemed to believe they did, and that just about gift wrapped Orakpo for the Redskins. The only other obsticle was the Broncos picking at 12, who completely ignored their needs on defense and took Knowshon Moreno out of Georgia.
If nothing else, Danny Boy’s reputation for trying to make the big splash helped grease the wheels.
Our buddies over at Big Chatter have a great piece up about Matt Stafford going to Detroit.
Check it out and tell ‘em we said hi.
Do you know which NFL team historically has been the most successful on Day 1 of the Draft? How about the worst? Did you know your favorite NFL team is nearly three times as likely to draft a bust with their first round pick than a future Hall of Famer?
Though his NFL career never really panned out, he did rock an awesome mullet.
We went through the first round of every NFL Draft for 15 straight years, one player at a time, to identify which teams have proven to the best (and worst) at making their first round selections. Every player from 1990’s pick #1 (Jeff George) to 2004’s #32 (Ben Watson) has been poked and prodded by our crack crew and rated on the Bossanova Super Deluxe Football Player Rating Scale for Kids Who Can’t Read Good (or the B.S.D.F.P.R.S.F.K.W.C.R.G. for short.)
Here’s how our rating system works: Every player chosen in the first round between 1990 and 2004 was assigned a point value, 1 through 5. A player with a 5 ranking is a Hall of Fame caliber player, and ranking of 1 is a player who stuck in the League for a 3 or more years, but never truly contributed to his team in any meaningful way.
And then there are the dreaded “busts”. A player deemed to be a bust is given a ranking of -1. Our thinking is, any player taken with a first round pick who absolutely bombs has a negative impact on his team for years to come. Negative impact, negative point.
So once every player has been graded, we add up the total number points for each first rounder by team, and divide by the total number of picks. This gives us a per team mean in our 1 through 5 range.
Wha happen???
So for clarity’s sake:
5 = Hall of Famer
4 = Perennial Pro Bowler (4 or more Pro Bowls)
3 = Multi Season Starter, 8+ Years in the League
2 = Majority Starter, 4+ Years in the League
1 = Reserve Player
-1 = Ryan Leaf
So without further ado, here is how it shook out:
The Ravens are the clear cut winner - although their sample size is significantly smaller than most of the other teams as the Ravens have only been making picks since 1996. But strengthening their cause is what they were able to pull off in their Draft, by selecting Jonathan Ogden AND Ray Lewis. Not too shabby when you can reel in two future HOFers in one round of picks.
Futer HOFer, Ray Lewis
The Colts also have a very solid resume of picks - their mean score of 2.933 factors in two disasters with Steve Emtman and Trev Alberts. The Colts can take credit for at least 3 future Hall of Famers in Marshall Faulk, Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison, with stalwarts like Reggie Wayne, Tarik Green and Edgerrin James in the HOF discussion.
As a ‘Skins fan, I was pleased to learn my boys aren’t at the bottom of the barrel (at least when it comes to drafting first rounders) - that honor is saved for Da Bears. Curtis P. Enis, Michael Haynes, Cade McNown, Rashaan (that marijuana make you lazy) Salaam and Stan Thomas are first rounders of note selected by Chicago.
The Eagles have a decent laundry list of losers to their credit, as well. The best by far though has to be Bernard Williams. For those of you who don’t remember Bernard, you’re not alone. Bernard was an offensive tackle out of Georgia, selected 14th overall by Philadelphia. He actually started all 16 games his rookie year, but was then banned from the NFL after failing 15 drug tests. 15.
The Bucs had a pretty decent first round in 1995 when they selected Warren Sapp and Derrick Brooks. And while our system found nearly three times as many busts (40) as sure fire future Hall of Famers (15), we also found 58 perennial Pro Bowlers. A handfull of these players have a decent shot of winding up in Canton, depending on how their careers finish up.
5. 5 dollar. 5 dollar foot long.
25% of our busts were quarterbacks (WARNING!!! Redskins fans hoping to land Mark Sanchez - ABORT!)
Some of the notable no gos include Akili Smith, Andre Ware, Rick Mirer, David Klingler and Dan McGuire.
Running backs also have a high bust rate. Lawerence Phillips, Blair Thomas, Ki-Jana Carter and Enis are famous flameouts.
And the higher a bust is taken, history will remember them even bustier. Steve Emtman, Ki-Jana Carter and Tim Couch were all selected first overall. Mirer, Heath Shuler, Akili Smith, Andre Wadsworth and Charles Rogers were all top three picks.
So what should NFL execs take away from this? I dunno. Trade down out of the first round maybe? Or call Ravens GM Ozzie Newsome for advice? Whatever they do, it’s the fans that have to remember there is no such thing a “sure thing”, even in the first round.
Have fun watching the Draft this weekend. And don’t be afraid to let us know why we’re wrong (or much more likely, why we’re so awesome.)
There are reports out suggesting that if the Redskins draft a QB over the weekend, current starter Jason Campbell will request a trade. To be clear, the guy with a career record of 16-20 (with ZERO playoff wins) believes he is beyond having to compete for his job. Interesting.
Screw you guys, I'm going home.
This may not be the worst thing that could happen. Obviously if the ‘Skins are seriously considering drafting another QB, then they have conceited that Campbell is not their long term solution.
Since Campbell is a free agent at the end of the upcoming season, why not try to trade him and get something back before losing him to free agency?
The ‘Skins will have to wheel and deal if the want to move up to get Mark “Dirty” Sanchez. And there is a decent amount of news suggesting the Broncos, Browns, Seahawks and Jets all have interest in Sanchez.
Watch the drama unfold tomorrow…
It looks like we’re in store for a hot, sunny weekend here in the greater NOVA area. A great weekend for drinking a cold one outside.
As such, Joe the beer guru, is on assignment (he’s outside drinking right now.) We’ll see what he is able to compile for us later today - it might be a little bit slurry.
If so, we’ll let clearer heads prevail and have his column ready to go for Monday.